Don't Wear Bronzer (Please?)

At least, not if you're a male. And a meat head at that. AND (worst of all) a wannabe musician.
At Porter's the other night, I saw for the first time a true example of a Tool (yes, the caps was necessary). If being a meat head, and possibly the least talented musician ever (will clarify), wasn't enough, this kid also donned a skin tight shirt and one of those weird beanie things with mini brims.
I've had a personal hatred for those stupid hats ever since they came out. They just scream asshole. On top of that, it's fucking August indoors. Asshole-caps not necessary.

Here is some basic advice I have for this kid, or maybe you if you fall into this unfortunate profile:

1) Don't be a meat head. Easy.
2) Ditch the mini brim. Easy.
3) Don't condemn your audience with sappy feminine lyrics about a girl and her eyes, doubled with power chords. It makes no sense. Easy (if you put your mind to it! ).
4) Don't continuously mention said girl in every single song. And oh, there were so many. Moderate: once you've fallen into a funk it sometime proves challenging to escape it.
5) Don't play a baby blue electric guitar. Easy/Hard, unless you have a spare one lying around that hasn't been obnoxiously tinted, this could prove difficult. Regardless: Get it done.
6) Don't sing loud, or ever. EASY
7) Don't wear bronzer....


In good news though, my boyfriend tagged along with his friends' band right after MiniBrim on saxophone, and the trio made a nicely unique sound that was easy to listen to without being boring. And that's without vocals (a welcome relief after Bronzer). Unfortunately, all of the fans who had stuck around for that awful little man ditched when he was finished playing.
I know you're thinking that they left because they were driven away by his noise, but the sad truth is that they were his fans.
Yes: This guy had total fans. One of them even commented that "He just plays guitar so well."

WHAT.


How does that happen? What happens to people that could really make them so delusional about life and what sounds good.
Fuck it being a matter of opinion, the guy sucked and that's the end of it. No opinion (other than those that are the same as mine) necessary. Some things just suck! And everyone should just suck a dick or realize it!

Endpost