For the past month or so I've really been struggling with the idea of marriage.
Until that time, I. loved. marriage. And weddings. Now I'm a little bit grossed out by all of it.

Obviously, I have always been mortified at the injustice of banning homosexuals from the institution of marriage. But recently, that feeling grew HUGE until I just got so disgusted at the thought of celebrating my wedding with people who can't celebrate theirs.
Freaks me out. A lot. I wanted to scream and shout.

Anyway. I also came to this weird life conclusion that I am never going to find someone. I am, however, anticipating a good deal of "great loves."
Possibly, this is my way of protecting my lonely lil' heart from itself.
Possibly not.
It's just so much better to not have the expectation of being married. Because if I expect myself to, and then I don't.... I'll just hate myself so much. SO much

This is kind of like when I realized I was never going to be a teacher because I fucking hate children andddd teenagers anddd parents andddd I felt a lot better about having a sort of aimless future full of art and part-time jobs, rather than forcing myself into this square shaped existence that I don't quite fit into.
....This whole love(S) thing has made me feel a lot better about, at least in that department. Because I can't even fathom ever finding someone who would love me enough and in that way I guess. (Trust issue?) So. They can all just leave me when they feel free to be free. This philosophy makes me feel a lot more comfortable and perfect in the situation I'm in right now.

If I always anticipate the end, then maybe I will be okay when it comes? Since it isn't actually an end to anything at all.

so ignorance is bliss now
so there's that
that's that

So anyway, I guess I'll lighten the mood now with this really pretty triptych.











endpost.