Fuck family. Fuck this life.

I need help and I'm sick of knowing that and looking for it. I thought I was done with this shit so long ago. Being here has destroyed everything I worked for before.

Venus told me that maybe things with my mom would get better. My parents woke up to my existence for the few months when things were bad and looking dreary.

Things with my mom suck, things with everyone suck. I don't understand these people and they spurn anything that's different from them.

Family isn't first here, it's fitting in that counts. Crying is the only release I have and there is an endless amount of that. I always wake up with a swollen face, I don't even look like me sometimes- which is fine I guess, because in those moments I don't feel like me either.

It's like something inside is beating so violently to get out. It manifests in anger and sadness and something endless and bad. It's a physical pain. I want to scream but I won't.

Sometimes I just wish that everyone could know exactly how miserable I am. And I would know exactly how miserable they are. And then we'd all fucking get it.