For starters, thank god for defense mechanisms cause they rule.


Leonid last night, except not really. And then the night ended with a bunch of upset lonely little girls who reject what's good and magnetize to the mentally unhealthy. It's cool though, I'm exercising my right to mull over things for like another hour and then I'm through.

I miss Niki and I miss my family. I want to sit on the couch with my mom and annoy my little sister even though she likes it. And find out what the hell goes through my older sister's head and give my dad an uncomfortably long hug because he's good at hugging.

I also know what I don't want, which Venus says is a really good thing.

I'm going to come up with an agenda and I'm going to try sticking to it. This life is a good life, I get it.

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Venus freaked me out because I freaked her out. I wish I could perceive what I say from the perspective of anyone but me. Anybody who has a better grasp of what the fuck is coming out of my mouth.
Appointments were moved and I'm seeing the scary doctor on Thursday again. I hate going to her, she's too intense and it blows my mind.
A lot of what I said today was realized as I was saying it.

Like, I'm not really living but actually going through the motions of living.

I wouldn't mind being taken care of, this is why I want mom and dad. I don't feel like playing adult anymore.

I'm sick of discovering how sick my former relationship was

Showering shouldn't be an effort but it is.

I eat when I'm sad. I don't eat when I'm sad. I'm treating my body like complete shit and I'm not going to do a fucking thing about it.

I haven't exercised in such a long time, after years of a healthy routine. Terrible sign.

I would prefer everyone ignoring me

Anything I do or take isn't working, and that's pretty funny because seriously?





endpost.