Huge progress with the painting today, I'm getting happy about it. I was pretty down for a while because I felt like it was rejecting me.
Yes, paintings are capable of doing that. At least mine.

I decided that before during after I'm painting, I'm going to write about what's going through my mind. I think it would give me interesting insight into how certain things end up on the canvas.
Here's some of what I wrote today.


"As a painter, I prefer to share visually & withhold vocally. Secrets lose their meaning when they are given away. The mystique of the symbol is lost & raped by the eagerness of the viewer to "get it." I would rather the viewer just feel it.

The experience of painting is draining & emotional and painful, both physically and mentally. It can be a passionate uphill struggle that reaps no reward in the end. As an artist, I bear my soul in each of my paintings. Sometimes, I do not like what I see. Possibly, the occasional forced nature of what I paint is caused by the inability (& refusal) to come to terms with whatever it is that I feel (or don't allow myself to feel) on a regular, exhausting basis.
This is the lot of the artist. I take the challenge on willingly, even though I am tired."