"Love" Lost?

Before and immediately after my break up I was an optimist for love. I had faith that everyone around me would find the perfect love and so would I (preferably all at the same time).

The loss of friendships and my faith in my own relationship has made me question Love. Instead of being a love optimist I'm actually scared to find anything meaningful. Because meaningful doesn't mean anything anymore. The people in my life have proven that.
Friends from college and from home are gone and I've proven to myself that maybe I don't know how to stick around either.
Niki tells me that I haven't done anything wrong by ending my relationship with Brian, and maybe its some leftover "Catholic guilt" that I was (unfortunately) raised with...but all I can think is that this entire summer I have mourned and mourned friends who've left me in the dust, people who I trusted. In the midst of all this upset I went right ahead and did the same thing to Brian.
I totally bailed on him. I betrayed his trust. I lied to myself and to him. WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES THAT MAKE ME?!
More importantly: what does that say for "love." I'm quickly becoming a non-believer. I went from being a total optimist with or without a relationship to betraying love.
Can it be true that nothing lasts forever and I shouldn't even bother preparing myself for new love??

Comment.

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