I've been feeling terrible and paranoid. Awful.
I feel like no matter who I am around, when I have physical displays of my true emotions that person gets freaked out.
Don't ask me where this complex with abandonment has come from. It's something I'm working to get over, but it just isn't happening.
I'm remembering a time when I wasn't begging anyone for attention, when I was the one ignoring text messages, when I did not care whether or not someone special was thinking of me and letting me know.
I take it all to heart. I don't think that this condition is permanent. I think it's something I can fix because it's something I know about myself.
It's easy to make me cry. It's hard for me not to most of the time. I think it has something to do with being very selfish and very afraid
I'm more sentimental than anyone I've ever met. Ask me where I got that from and I couldn't tell you, I just know it wasn't my parents.
I guess I don't really have someone to relate to about this, and so it's confusing to the people I come in contact with.
I have the capacity to love hugely
4 comments:
i think youre turning into me.
I relate to this enormously...
Steph, you and I haven't talked much in a long time, but from reading your blog I've come to realize that you and I are very much alike. I know you think you're alone, but you're not. Because there are a lot of other people out there (like me) that feel the same thing as you, that want to tear their heart out for no reason or throw something...for no reason...the sadness. I know how you feel. Talk to me anytime you want/need, I'm here.
I don't like this because I like to think that the people I know and like are happy.
I like this because even though we have different lives and different struggles and different journeys, I have reactions similar to this from time to time. Okay, pretty much all the time.
I like to think that we have a certain amount of time with each person we meet. Sometimes the amount of time we need that person isn't the same as the amount of time they need us. That's when loss and feelings of abandonment occur. So you do what you can with people in the time you have with em. And try to enjoy it. Amiright??!
P.S. I also like that you write a lot! Everyone should write a lot!
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