Okay. Wow. I'm sorry.
So I've gotten back to a better level of sanity than I was at for a majority of last night. I'm nowhere near where I was two days ago, which was a good place....but I can feel that I'm somewhere close. I'll come back soon I hope. I'm scared that the doctor will be angry with me for falling off the horse.
She's very intimidating, you know.
Venus will be disappointed and maybe confused. She'll probably freak me out again like she did last time.
What I experienced last night was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It was terrible and out of control. It ended up lasting for over 2 hours. I was nowhere to be found, I don't know who that was.
It took three long conversations. Laying in one bed and human contact with someone in my own for me to breathe. Breathe. Breathe. It's still clinging on the edges, when I think about it too much breath is short and my chest hurts. I get dizzy and afraid of falling back where I fell.
I need to call my mom.
endpost.
1 comment:
I know this doesn't do much, but I've gone to those places before. Moments where your brain gets stuck in one gear and you're frozen in the panic or the pain or the WHATEVER and you become, well...some helpless sort of lump that can't pick itself up.
It's taken a long time, but I'm not frozen anymore. The feeling comes back every so often - but I can drive it away.
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