On Doula Training

Alright. I am showered and semi-settled back into my house. I've checked all my favorite internet trends (RIP FB) and I am decompressing.

It's finally time to write about the ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE weekend I had. It needs to be said that for the first time in my entire life I experienced what it is to be in a completely non-judgemental environment. And to be a contributing factor in that environment.

Friends are safe but we still look at each other's clothes and hair, family is okay but there's still tension...there is always some form or judgement. Or something like it at least.

I feel so refreshed after this weekend. Exhausted, but also so full of this incredibly rich and warm emotion.

I saw an abortion being performed for the first time. It was on projection and it was a clean procedure because it was being filmed. It was only a first trimester abortion. It was simple and straightforward. It was still a terribly difficult thing to watch.

I performed an abortion on a papaya, just to understand the instruments and the procedure. The procedure is incredibly simple and safe, the emotions seem to be what's most at stake during that time in the carrying parent's life.

I explored my feelings on women who want to terminate based on the sex of the fetus- Yes, I strongly agree that she should still be able to receive an abortion.

I heard testimonials from some of the doulas who doula'd some very difficult and emotional and intense labor inductions for women whose pregnancies were anomalies and needed to be terminated, something that the parent never wanted. I cried with these women.

All of us have very different reasons for being there. The doulas in training represent various different backgrounds, genders, orientations, and ages. Some of them have had abortions, many of them are birth doulas as well, all of us have something amazing to offer.

Never have I seen so many woman not even proud, but just so natural in having bodily hair. They normalized my wish to join up with that movement. They also normalized the language of "partner" for me. Keeping the gender of the partner ambiguous, because it's probably the least important factor in a partnership. All of these things I had already believed and practiced very very slightly, but this weekend affirmed that all of those things are okay to do, even if people on the outside might look at me sidewise or roll their eyes or hate me because they don't understand where it's all coming from.

I feel like becoming a doula may be a very healing process for me. I feel much healthier of heart than I have in a while. I'm not even sure how long, actually. But I'm feeling good and I'm learning so much of what it can mean to be a good person just by offering a Presence. Recognizing that everyone is in pain in some way and doing what I can to be a comforting place to go to for help.

I don't know. I just feel great because this feels so right and beautiful and so much better than I ever even imagined it could be.