Verbal sexual harassment is a very constant very real struggle, at least for me.
After getting off the train tonight I walked to my car alone and was accosted by three men.
Before it happened I knew it was going to. After it happened I was angry and humiliated. Then I was freaking out, then I was very upset.
I guess all I can really write about is how that stuff makes me feel.
I don't think I have the authority to say that all men are responsible for this behavior, or that all women are responsible, the only person I can be responsible for is myself.
So, I felt anger- that I did nothing to defend myself. That I allowed anyone to make me feel a certain way. That my power was taken from me. That I still don't know how I should handle those situations. That even if I wanted to, I did not (do not) have the means or knowledge to protect myself if it were to come to that.
Disgust- that any person feels that behavior is acceptable, okay, laughable, "normal." Disgust that it has BECOME normal because of it's frequency.
Humiliated and guilty and so SO frustrated- that as a feminist and an empowered person I let it happen. That those men were looking at me and speaking to me in such a way.
So exhausted at the fact that this is our rape culture.
Walking alone in a parking lot at night should be a safe activity, but it isn't.
I shouldn't hate the feminine aspects of my body because I am afraid of unwanted attention, but a lot of the time I do.
I shouldn't use long hair as a means of having something to hide behind, but it's a great covering tool
I shouldn't have to think about this shit at all ever, except that it's there and so I do.
Conclusion? Josh and I are going to take a self-defense course together. And maybe one day I won't be so afraid to drop some knowledge on anyone who deigns to speak to me in such a way. Or,more simply, I won't be so afraid period.
I cannot stress the fact that there is nothing more frustrating than feeling powerless because of the actions of another human being.
1 comment:
I am so with you on this. I hate that I feel physically vulnerable whenever I'm alone, especially at night. My parents hate that I would into the city by myself during school for screenings and stuff and take the subway/train alone at night. I would tell them that I'm totally comfortable with it so hopefully they would worry less, but I would always feel completely exposed. And that scares me because I can't see myself living in any way but independently for the rest of my life, but I don't want to constantly feel like a walking target when I am out alone in the dark. Incredibly frustrating, to feel you are so entirely at the mercy of another person's will. And it just makes me angry that I feel this because I happened to be born a woman. At the same time, it serves as a reminder to me that men and women aren't, and never can be, 100% equal. Ugh. So yeah, your post - RIGHT ON
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