Friends and readers alike have commented to me on very personal levels about the value of marriage.
From my perspective, I have noticed that marriage today has become something that is not necessarily permanent. In a way, I think this is taking things in two very good directions.
1) The lack of permanence in marriages may be something that is temporary. My personal belief is that a major contributor of America's very high divorce rate is the continued liberation of women. I think it is very important for a woman in an unhappy marriage to realize that she has a way out, in a society that is becoming increasingly forgiving of a single older woman. Of course, we still have a ways to go concerning equal wages and the like, things which make it even easier to be a woman alone and successful. However: the option is there and people are working constantly to make it easier to achieve. It is never good to "settle" either before or during a marriage.
2) On the note of settling, I believe that it is a huge mistake that most people in our parents' generation have made. It is rare for me to see anybody in the 45-55 years age group being affectionate with their chosen life partner. I do not see people of this generation on dates, at the movies, looking in love. It is refreshing and a relief when I do. It gives me something to look forward to. Have the people of this generation lost their faith in love? These are the people who are divorcing, and I think it is because they were mislead into thinking that since they had found something like a soulmate, they might as well keep it around before it was too late to find one.
Once people can realize these two things, they may make less mistakes in choosing a partner in the first place. Maybe in this way, more happy marriages can exist.
If I ever find someone who can complete me enough to marry, I will ask myself if I could ever see us divorcing in the future. If the answer is yes: it's over. I will not settle. I have already accepted the idea of being alone. It isn't what I want, but I know it's something I can live with. Thinking in this way spurns my sense of independence and relying on myself as a woman who is independent rather than just a daughter, girlfriend, friend who relies on everybody else for money or opinions or favor.
Now, the young women I first mentioned in this post, the ones asking questions, are really on to something. Maybe they are right when they say that marriage and the idea of devoting yourself to one single person is unnatural for human beings. However, I can't help thinking that the way of our lives is what dictates our feelings on committing in the future.
I would love to be happily married and forever in love. I have found something close to a soul mate in a boyfriend, so I know that I will get it right eventually. If you can find something like "it" then you can find "it." No doubt.
On the other hand, girls who have seen their parents being unhappy, divorcing, or are in forced unhappy relationships themselves at such a young age, will have a darker opinion on the loftiness of love. I can't really say too much about this because I have forced myself into an optimistic position of either being alone or (hopefully) finding The One.
Thoughts?
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1 comment:
The lack of permanence in marriage today has its ups and downs. Whatever social benefits that come out of a changing perspectives of marriage are, they do not outweigh the economic catastrophes of this aspect of our changing society. Divorce has economically ruined couples and their children and continues to do so. The economic downturn has only exacerbated this.
Divorce is not necessarily a result of the liberation of women; rather it can be a result of men’s unwillingness to adjust to equality. Liberated women in society does not have to mean a climbing divorce rate.
Often people have to settle, for economic reasons or social reasons. All too often, economic sustenance trumps “love” and for good reason. What good is love when you’re starving? The goal of society is to eliminate the conditions that force some people to settle.
Hasn’t the high divorce rate demonstrate the fallacy of “soulmates?” What proof do we have that soulmates actually exist given the evidence that the vast majority of people do not find theirs? All to often a couple sincerely marry and believe that they have found their soulmates in each other, only to find years later that they have changed as individuals.
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