The Way I Eat and Why

We've all seen it on television and in the news. Most of us have probably sat in on body-image workshops or lectures, hearing stories exchanged about eating disorders and being unhappy with our physical appearance. I have sat in at a few of these, but none of them has ever given me the solution to the problem.
The stories are inspiring: the anorexic woman survived, the obese child lost the weight before it killed him; but they don't tell us what to do.
This post will not answer that question.

Simply put, I have been wondering for years what type of "eater" I am. There are stress-eaters, depressed-eaters, those who eat to gain some semblance of control in their lives. My Answer (I think): I am a LOSS of control eater. A lot of shit went down for me this past year, so loss of control is something I have been experiencing since September...when things get to be too much for my mind, I start projecting on what I eat. It gets to the point that my mental thought is to eat so that my body will look as badly as I am feeling.
I know this sounds dramatic, but it's not trying to be. This isn't me giving some cry for help. It's just something that I find interesting and which I think most people reading this, women especially, can relate to directly. We have all experienced unhappiness with the way we look.

Anyway, now that my curiosity has been satisfied as to what type of eater I am, I guess I can work on fixing the problem. I have an obsession with body image. Very non-feminist of me...I know.

Something I cannot figure out is how working out plays into my sense of control. It almost contradicts things. When I lose control of my life I eat, but I also work out intensely. I guess this is what keeps me looking the same all of the time? I guess this also means I have less of an answer for myself than I realized.



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