Hey I've been swinging back and forth from feeling super sentimental to super hateful. Do I want to leave this institution or not?
I guess, in truth, staying would do more harm than good because I've basically gotten everything I can get out of being here. What else is there except for more time?
There's so much left to do but I'm graduating in 6 days, so what the fuck- really??
I guess I feel confused in a really obvious way, and maybe anxious to just get there now that we're so close.

It's cold and rainy, what the hell


endpost.

Personhood v womanhood

possibly, I don't want both

I gave up on my eyebrows, I am awful at shaving my legs

sometimes I forget I have armpits

my toenails go unclipped, unpainted, and loved in a way that is not a pedicure

I love my hair down, but I'm messy so it usually goes up

My shoes have holes in the bottoms,

I can walk in high heels but I choose my heels.

I have a period, but it's completely useless to me because I have no desire to bear a child

I hardly have eyelashes, I wear cheap eyeliner when I feel like it

Person first

I have a final that is due today that I'm 50% finished with. Something smells like vomit. We took the tape down last night. Alyssa was (is?) pissed at me for taking down the squid, but that shit tore off so much wall that needs to be painted.

The Hive has empty walls and I have to say it makes me feel a little better about being there. Which is weird. Maybe it's easier to breathe, now that it's easier to find empty space.

The senior show was incredible. I have no clue who will win best in show, but I do think I am a contender. Some asshole touched my piece and left major clues. What a butt. I will miss most of my art profs since they're all like the loves of my life and shit.

Why are all my clothes dirty? I want summer and quality hang outs that everyone remembers the next morning. I miss my cat and I want to be there for my little sister because her schoolmates are fucking assholes. Maybe if I get the chance I will curb stomp them, but probably not.

This post could potentially go on forever, so I'm going to stop now.

Some news though- forgot the med yesterday and I did just fine.

endpost.

I struggle with the secret, because it is something I love to broadcast

I do it for my benefit, not theirs or yours

I look for it from others who have it

I refuse guilt because not everyone does

It belongs to us and half is mine

I do with it what I wish

Mood swings sparked by interaction with all the wrong faces

My suit is so odd to me
Weird colors that fall apart easily
One suit that I wear always
Desperate to keep itself together, when torn it is slow and reluctant to pull back together
Sometimes I avoid it
other times I wear it with pride
I get upset as it is continuously maimed
Sometimes I wish to trade it out for a brand new one
Would I prefer a suit with no history?
It would be a chance to take better care of it
Yes, I have regrets
I regret tearing my suit in fits of rage or sadness
It accomplished nothing and bile fills my mouth in disgust of such actions
A new suit would be nice
I promise I would take better care of it this time

Strange, I dreamed I ate pieces and pieces of fried chicken
thinking all the while that it was my first real "cheat" as a vegetarian.
Strange, because by the time I stopped eating meat chicken was by far the most unappealing
He yelled at me in dreams and I woke up twice screaming "stop" in reality
In reality he was startled
Today we are both tired