Listed below are lyrics by ABBA,"S.O.S," a song that is appropriate to my mood. They may be "camp," but sometimes they just tell it how it is. !
Break ups SUCK. Break ups from the guy you were supposed to marry once upon a 5 year young love is even worse.
Symptoms:
-Not being able to listen to songs that concern one person leaving another behind (since the person leaving is me. I don't need the added guilt).
-Today at play practice someone told me I looked "sad." Albeit, he was an annoying 12-year old, but it made me need to run out of the theater and catch my breath. Anxiety attacks. Bad sign.
So!The lyrics to this song were one catalyst that made me realize my relationship was no longer right for me. One day I found myself singing them passionately in the car, and had to stop and ask myself, "why?". (I've decided to be candid about this breakup process here. Because a)why not? b) maybe someone will respond).
Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind
Whatever happened to our love?
I wish I understood
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good
So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me
S. O. S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S. O. S.
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?
You seem so far away though you are standing near
You made me feel alive, but something died I fear
I really tried to make it out
I wish I understood
What happened to our love, it used to be so good
So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me
S. O. S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S. O. S.
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?
So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me
S. O. S.
And the love you gave me, nothing else can save me
S. O. S.
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?
When you're gone
How can I even try to go on?
When you're gone
Though I try how can I carry on?
Anyway. I feel like I'm suffocating without my other half, but such is life. (?)
endpost.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
V-DAY
http://zack16.com/category/profile/
Someone please watch the show that is attached to that link... *If that isn't enough to convince you, consider this: it's about a teenage boy who wakes up one morning with a female genitalia rather than male*
Watching it, I am pretty much at a loss for what to think. On the one hand, it definitely has its amusing moments, its convenient to watch because all of the episodes are under 4 minutes long, and its something very different.
From a different perspective, it may (or may not) be considered mildly offensive to women. I try not to be overtly sensitive about things like this, but I have been doing a lot of reading and reading changes the way you think, whether you'd like it to or not.
I have this nagging suspicion that these episodes are actually intended to be the opposite of offensive....Like: Go women!or something. I do not know if the creator of this blog is a man or a woman (or maybe it's actually Zack?..not) but I think that whoever it belongs to is actually trying to reach out to women. Possibly calm us down from the resentments we may bear toward men who "just don't get it" by showing us a poor teenage boy who is forced to. ? Maybe it is making a statement about gender-confusion: subtly telling its viewers that transgenders really do connect with the gender dictated by their minds, not their bodies (in this case, Zack relates to his male side although his genitals are of the female variety).
Off the bat, I do like the show. I have a tendency to always like new things...
It's just that something about it just doesn't sit right with me , and I cannot figure out what it is.
I'm thinking that it might be the following :
Stereotypes about being female. Some of the stereotypes used are amusing, and all of them are harmless. Many of them are devastatingly base and annoying. Instead of reaching out to women by using stereotypes about women, why not try relating to what real females think and feel, rather than what "girlygirls" try to tell everyone we think and feel? Makes sense?
Disclaimer: As a woman and a minority, I do not let stereotypes ruin my day. If I did, I would have a very miserable life. I'm not sensitive in that way.
However. In this case I am just trying to get to the bottom of my general discomfort with this show.
Although possibly it could be as simple as I think it's freaking weird that this male now has a vagina.? maybe not.
Lastly, I have to applaud the "Help Me!" section of the site. I think it is a great resource for young girls to either share their personal knowledge with one another, or learn information about their own bodies by other girls' shared experiences.
Anyway, stranger friend or foe- tell me what you think.
endpost.
Someone please watch the show that is attached to that link... *If that isn't enough to convince you, consider this: it's about a teenage boy who wakes up one morning with a female genitalia rather than male*
Watching it, I am pretty much at a loss for what to think. On the one hand, it definitely has its amusing moments, its convenient to watch because all of the episodes are under 4 minutes long, and its something very different.
From a different perspective, it may (or may not) be considered mildly offensive to women. I try not to be overtly sensitive about things like this, but I have been doing a lot of reading and reading changes the way you think, whether you'd like it to or not.
I have this nagging suspicion that these episodes are actually intended to be the opposite of offensive....Like: Go women!or something. I do not know if the creator of this blog is a man or a woman (or maybe it's actually Zack?..not) but I think that whoever it belongs to is actually trying to reach out to women. Possibly calm us down from the resentments we may bear toward men who "just don't get it" by showing us a poor teenage boy who is forced to. ? Maybe it is making a statement about gender-confusion: subtly telling its viewers that transgenders really do connect with the gender dictated by their minds, not their bodies (in this case, Zack relates to his male side although his genitals are of the female variety).
Off the bat, I do like the show. I have a tendency to always like new things...
It's just that something about it just doesn't sit right with me , and I cannot figure out what it is.
I'm thinking that it might be the following :
Stereotypes about being female. Some of the stereotypes used are amusing, and all of them are harmless. Many of them are devastatingly base and annoying. Instead of reaching out to women by using stereotypes about women, why not try relating to what real females think and feel, rather than what "girlygirls" try to tell everyone we think and feel? Makes sense?
Disclaimer: As a woman and a minority, I do not let stereotypes ruin my day. If I did, I would have a very miserable life. I'm not sensitive in that way.
However. In this case I am just trying to get to the bottom of my general discomfort with this show.
Although possibly it could be as simple as I think it's freaking weird that this male now has a vagina.? maybe not.
Lastly, I have to applaud the "Help Me!" section of the site. I think it is a great resource for young girls to either share their personal knowledge with one another, or learn information about their own bodies by other girls' shared experiences.
Anyway, stranger friend or foe- tell me what you think.
endpost.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I wish that there were less of a "gap" between generations. With each new generation, we are moved further from our ancestral past: which for our society does not exist. Which is weird.
But really the reason I wish for this is because I want to know if the generations before my own ever experienced the sensation that every single person who was a part of that generation was just "not okay."
Is it because our generation has finally reached the point of really having nothing wrong in our lives, so we turn to mental weakness? Every single person in my life has some huge mental wall working against him or her. There's always something, even when it isn't obvious.
It freaks me out, and because of the generation-gaps, I don't even know how much I can look to the generation before for advice. Unfounded trust issues? The insistence that "no one gets it?"
Either way, this gap (real or imagined) has lead me to turn to people my own age, which has lead me to count more on myself than on what an authority figure in my life has to say.
Anyway, I'm babbling and I don't feel well.
So here is what I know:
I can't trust myself
I possibly can't trust the generation before mine
I can trust my generation, but who are they getting their information from?
We all have something wrong with us.
endpost.
But really the reason I wish for this is because I want to know if the generations before my own ever experienced the sensation that every single person who was a part of that generation was just "not okay."
Is it because our generation has finally reached the point of really having nothing wrong in our lives, so we turn to mental weakness? Every single person in my life has some huge mental wall working against him or her. There's always something, even when it isn't obvious.
It freaks me out, and because of the generation-gaps, I don't even know how much I can look to the generation before for advice. Unfounded trust issues? The insistence that "no one gets it?"
Either way, this gap (real or imagined) has lead me to turn to people my own age, which has lead me to count more on myself than on what an authority figure in my life has to say.
Anyway, I'm babbling and I don't feel well.
So here is what I know:
I can't trust myself
I possibly can't trust the generation before mine
I can trust my generation, but who are they getting their information from?
We all have something wrong with us.
endpost.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
This summer is the oddest and most emotional summer I have experienced since I went through puberty. Ha! I do admit that even at the worst of times, I do not regret any decisions I have made or the exhaustion that comes from being emotional constantly.
I heard it in some song that Niki showed me that riding emotions like this doesn't always feel great, but it means you are living.
Something like that. Whatever it is, it's true.
So I've started working! Today is my 4th day. For those of you who are residential and reading this : come by Cafe Verde on South Main Street for breakfast, lunch, or dinner! Probably not dinner if you're under the age of 25 and not on a date though.
Anyway, I love my job. I'm a waitress-in-training but I've learned a lot and retained the information every day.
So far, I haven't earned any less than $10/hour, which is nice considering the diminished state of my bank account....not that it's appropriate to write about how much I make, but no one reads this anyway.
The restaurant is mostly locals, so at times they are more forgiving than usual. For now, I'm just a bit awkward because I feel like I am performing but don't know my lines.
Maybe when I learn the specials?
Up too early, work at 11, excited for the dinner party Saturday:)
endpost.
I heard it in some song that Niki showed me that riding emotions like this doesn't always feel great, but it means you are living.
Something like that. Whatever it is, it's true.
So I've started working! Today is my 4th day. For those of you who are residential and reading this : come by Cafe Verde on South Main Street for breakfast, lunch, or dinner! Probably not dinner if you're under the age of 25 and not on a date though.
Anyway, I love my job. I'm a waitress-in-training but I've learned a lot and retained the information every day.
So far, I haven't earned any less than $10/hour, which is nice considering the diminished state of my bank account....not that it's appropriate to write about how much I make, but no one reads this anyway.
The restaurant is mostly locals, so at times they are more forgiving than usual. For now, I'm just a bit awkward because I feel like I am performing but don't know my lines.
Maybe when I learn the specials?
Up too early, work at 11, excited for the dinner party Saturday:)
endpost.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Road
Our road trip was absolutely perfect, and only like $50 more than I wanted to spend.
My favorite part was definitely Acadia, ME. For those of you who love hiking or camping or being outside: visit Acadia.
For those who love hiking and being outside but not camping: still go! There is a cute town called Bar Harbor with inns and stuff, and other inns around the national park.
There are free guided tours and the one we took was absolutely breath taking.
In other news: being single is just so worthless when you feel attached to someone anyway. Whatever. Being home and alone away from boys helps things, even though it leaves my mind to wander in the strangest directions.
Niki and I got a job at Cafe Verde in downtown Pburg but have yet to get our schedules and so I am the poorest I have ever been in my entire life. I have no savings. Gh.
Working out like a fiend, seeing results at day 6: what a relief.
endpost.
My favorite part was definitely Acadia, ME. For those of you who love hiking or camping or being outside: visit Acadia.
For those who love hiking and being outside but not camping: still go! There is a cute town called Bar Harbor with inns and stuff, and other inns around the national park.
There are free guided tours and the one we took was absolutely breath taking.
In other news: being single is just so worthless when you feel attached to someone anyway. Whatever. Being home and alone away from boys helps things, even though it leaves my mind to wander in the strangest directions.
Niki and I got a job at Cafe Verde in downtown Pburg but have yet to get our schedules and so I am the poorest I have ever been in my entire life. I have no savings. Gh.
Working out like a fiend, seeing results at day 6: what a relief.
endpost.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
ON THE ROAD (again)
This time, we're headed North!!!!!
First stop: Philly.
I know. South.
BUT we're going to pick up Thom and stay with him for a few days so he can play with Big Wilson, who will be there for their tour.
Which, lucky for Niki and I, he isn't going on so he can come with us instead! SWEET.
After Philly- Boston, Cape Cod, Vermont, Maine, Canada.
I'll try to keep a good log in my journal and then post most of it here. Plus pictures. I have an 8GB card for my SLR, 2 for my digital point-and-shoot, and 1 extra gig for just whatever.
AWESOME.
And keep posting people: I like having something to read:)
endpost.
First stop: Philly.
I know. South.
BUT we're going to pick up Thom and stay with him for a few days so he can play with Big Wilson, who will be there for their tour.
Which, lucky for Niki and I, he isn't going on so he can come with us instead! SWEET.
After Philly- Boston, Cape Cod, Vermont, Maine, Canada.
I'll try to keep a good log in my journal and then post most of it here. Plus pictures. I have an 8GB card for my SLR, 2 for my digital point-and-shoot, and 1 extra gig for just whatever.
AWESOME.
And keep posting people: I like having something to read:)
endpost.
Monday, May 11, 2009
If I never have to step foot into a church again.
If I never have to step foot into a church again, then so be it and GOOD RIDDANCE.
The Catholic church, my upbringing and therefore the misogynist institution which has personally hurt me, is NOT a self-respecting place for any woman to be. At all. ever. Now that I have had the wool pulled up from over my eyes, I seriously cannot grasp how any woman who believes in female empowerment would cater to the needs of such a selfish WOMAN-HATING group of people.
!!!!!!!
I am freaking out here people.
So no, this post won't have lots of facts about the church v feminism, but just read into this shit. catholic.org is a wonderfulwonderful example of spoon feeding people lies without giving any facts to support them. How has this institution become so powerful that no one can see through these falsehoods!?!?!
On a note that might make sense to only me in this rant: PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS NOT EVIL AND IT IS NOT JUST AN ABORTION PROVIDER. SERIOUSLY!? SERIOUSLY!?
The Catholic church, my upbringing and therefore the misogynist institution which has personally hurt me, is NOT a self-respecting place for any woman to be. At all. ever. Now that I have had the wool pulled up from over my eyes, I seriously cannot grasp how any woman who believes in female empowerment would cater to the needs of such a selfish WOMAN-HATING group of people.
!!!!!!!
I am freaking out here people.
So no, this post won't have lots of facts about the church v feminism, but just read into this shit. catholic.org is a wonderfulwonderful example of spoon feeding people lies without giving any facts to support them. How has this institution become so powerful that no one can see through these falsehoods!?!?!
On a note that might make sense to only me in this rant: PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS NOT EVIL AND IT IS NOT JUST AN ABORTION PROVIDER. SERIOUSLY!? SERIOUSLY!?
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