The sporadic nature of my thoughts is becoming impossible to cope with.
My palms sweat with the minor regrets I put myself through because not one person knows how to deal with me.
I'm pushing everyone away, then I'm feeling alone. I don't want to be a burden but I'm hurt when I'm left behind. I have friends that I just want to sit and stare at but not talk to or even be in the same room with sometimes. I just want people around. I want to feel unconditional security. I want to stop ruining everything for myself.

And I want to stop fucking crying. This will be like the 5th time this week- fucking child.

I want to be off campus in the company of the people I love here. I want to belong in my group doing something somewhere else

I feel like the more in control of myself I try to be the worse I do. I get this mean spirited attitude where I am so sick of myself that I want to fucking puke.
Unpredictability is wonderful when it does not concern mental health and dependence on medication to keep me functioning as a normal human being.

I could fucking rip someone's face off.