I can't believe that I actually went crazy that time.
I am under control but I can feel something dangerous and big boiling under the surface.
Writing like this is a bad sign.

I'll make sure I don't miss my medication again.

It's a physical sensation, this sinking feeling. Something like diving. That other persona is just underneath. The Freak is invisible and weak, but even in a weakened state it is almost as strong as me at my best.
Thoughts of self-infliction are becoming natural again. Where is this landslide coming from? I was healthy and whole just a day ago. Will I be okay at school? Away from a safe, controlled environment? Will things be okay ever? Disturbed, always.
Please- leave me be. This is a panic attack.
Phone is off. I want to be left alone for a while. I'm scared, my chest aches, I cannot believe this is happening again. I need help. I need something. Another way out, anything that can help me. I do not want back in that hole. The space where it was seems impossibly larger than before. Everyone is going to tire of this handicap pretty soon.
I will have no one
I will have NO one
I will have no one to help me. I want to sleep this life away