The book was so graphic in detail that I gagged over my meal

I couldn't figure out why it was so upsetting as it was fiction, and about a race of peoples who have never existed and are only a figment of an imagination not my own

I had a good week in there where I slept normally. Maybe just noticing this has knocked me back from that and back into lying with my eyes wide and waking up before 7.

Lately, the word 'haunted' pops into my thoughts when I'm waiting for sleep to take me. Not by ghosts, not that, but also not by the living. And also by myself, I can't seem to leave myself alone

I wish it was okay to cry about this stuff at work and I wish the soccer moms would leave me alone and I hate moms anyway and that's why I never want to be one.

NO ONE WILL STOP CARING ABOUT YOU, I PROMISE.

Planted on the floor, I stare at the ceiling which seems especially far away.

Two feet makes a bigger difference than expected

I know if I think about it too hard, the void will make me scream out loud

And suddenly I am finding pens everywhere I look. Now, when I have no desire (no need) to write anything down

I am so tired of being so tired. And where are all of my working pens? Where is my phone?

6:59AM

I couldn't sleep and now I am awake. I woke up feeling confused and needing to pee. Then I woke up and I can tell already that today will be spent crying.

For once, I want a free pass to sleep through the whole day. Come on brain, let me have it. Fuck EVERYTHING and fuck having no control over what Life gives and takes from you. Fuck Life. So sad and so angry and when the fuck does it ease up a little bit?