Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Coyote Ugly is just about as dumb as I thought it would be.
My right eye and leg are having spasms, so that sort of sucks?
My allergies are unbearable and it makes me saddd but I LOVE THE FALL and I can't wait to go pumpkin picking and wear androgynous clothing and Timberlands and hear crunchy leaves and see blue blue skies with orange horizons.
I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT
My right eye and leg are having spasms, so that sort of sucks?
My allergies are unbearable and it makes me saddd but I LOVE THE FALL and I can't wait to go pumpkin picking and wear androgynous clothing and Timberlands and hear crunchy leaves and see blue blue skies with orange horizons.
I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
It just crossed my mind that I really have no idea how much I smile anymore.
When in the world did I become so serious??
I laugh when things are funny, but I feel like I'm never in a "smiling mood."
Lately, it takes a noticeable effort to get me smiling. Some people can get me to smile willingly, but the presence of others can just as naturally lead to tears & self-loathing for how weak I am for allowing someone else to (yes) MAKE me feel a certain way. This means I am not at all in control.
Those sentences didn't make much sense.
endpost.
When in the world did I become so serious??
I laugh when things are funny, but I feel like I'm never in a "smiling mood."
Lately, it takes a noticeable effort to get me smiling. Some people can get me to smile willingly, but the presence of others can just as naturally lead to tears & self-loathing for how weak I am for allowing someone else to (yes) MAKE me feel a certain way. This means I am not at all in control.
Those sentences didn't make much sense.
endpost.
Huge progress with the painting today, I'm getting happy about it. I was pretty down for a while because I felt like it was rejecting me.
Yes, paintings are capable of doing that. At least mine.
I decided that before during after I'm painting, I'm going to write about what's going through my mind. I think it would give me interesting insight into how certain things end up on the canvas.
Here's some of what I wrote today.
"As a painter, I prefer to share visually & withhold vocally. Secrets lose their meaning when they are given away. The mystique of the symbol is lost & raped by the eagerness of the viewer to "get it." I would rather the viewer just feel it.
The experience of painting is draining & emotional and painful, both physically and mentally. It can be a passionate uphill struggle that reaps no reward in the end. As an artist, I bear my soul in each of my paintings. Sometimes, I do not like what I see. Possibly, the occasional forced nature of what I paint is caused by the inability (& refusal) to come to terms with whatever it is that I feel (or don't allow myself to feel) on a regular, exhausting basis.
This is the lot of the artist. I take the challenge on willingly, even though I am tired."
Yes, paintings are capable of doing that. At least mine.
I decided that before during after I'm painting, I'm going to write about what's going through my mind. I think it would give me interesting insight into how certain things end up on the canvas.
Here's some of what I wrote today.
"As a painter, I prefer to share visually & withhold vocally. Secrets lose their meaning when they are given away. The mystique of the symbol is lost & raped by the eagerness of the viewer to "get it." I would rather the viewer just feel it.
The experience of painting is draining & emotional and painful, both physically and mentally. It can be a passionate uphill struggle that reaps no reward in the end. As an artist, I bear my soul in each of my paintings. Sometimes, I do not like what I see. Possibly, the occasional forced nature of what I paint is caused by the inability (& refusal) to come to terms with whatever it is that I feel (or don't allow myself to feel) on a regular, exhausting basis.
This is the lot of the artist. I take the challenge on willingly, even though I am tired."
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