Secret word

Weird secret, scary secret

It hit me with the force of a lifetime that I wish it would pertain to

Unbidden, with too many 'maybes' 'I hopes' 'I thinks' - let downs

An unsure feeling of absolute certainty, unreciprocated, not talked about

For fear that it will be ruined

I keep it a sad secret because it's too good to be spoiled just yet

With the fear of maybes, lack of hope, too many thoughts, and the refusal to grant a wished for promise

because of rational thoughts

Beaten down by logic

I want it safe and I want it ours but it will stay mine